The Organ Grinder’s Monkey

Ah, the plaintive cry of the spam-hounded netizen (that quote was nabbed from a comments thread about bulletin board spambots). No doubt you, yourself, have bitched or moaned something similar in response to a particularly annoying or persistent ad. Remember that feeling? Great, now turn it around…

What does that frame of mind mean for you, as a business owner?

Simply this:

1. Make it dead easy to find you.
2. Don’t give me any reasons to click away when I do find you.*
3. Make it easy to complete the transaction that I want to complete, and make it worthwhile and fun for me to do so.
4. Stay in touch whenever it’s in my benefit for you to do so, not yours.
5. Leave me alone when none of the above are happening.

I see some of you out there nodding your heads. Now contrast those rules with the rules for Business As Usual:

1. Get in their face as often as you can, wherever you can, however you can, and as loudly as you can.
2. Do things your way, regardless of what the rabble wants. What do they know, anyway? (Or, alternately, “Who’s the professional here?” God, I just can’t get enough of that…)
3. Proprietary code that only functions on one specific browser and build, unnavigable Flash, impenetrable navigation schemes, unfindable goods, pop-ups, unholy web design, redirects, etc…it’s all good. So what if it makes things a little harder to use? We paid good money for that website/software/technology. If they want it bad enough, they’ll slog through it. And make sure they only buy what we want them to buy, in the packages we want them to buy it and under whatever conditions we happen to set. While you’re at it, make sure you don’t give away any more than you have to for the money. Man, I’m telling you…if you don’t keep an eye on them, those customers will rip you off to the bone!
4. Keep hounding them until they buy something. Then take note who bought and really turn up the burner underneath those “valued customers.” 7 touches is just the start!
5. GOTO 1
   DO NOT END

If you recognize yourself or your business strategy in any of these last 5 rules, you have some work to do. Time to get busy…

*Note that on number 2 of the first list, I DID NOT say “Give me a reason to click through or to stay once I find you.” These days, you start with “NO” and earn “YES,” not the other way around. Remember that.

Tags: Advertising and Marketing, Business, Conversation Economy, Internet Marketing, Society and Culture //